


Fides Quarens Intellectus

by San Antonio Rose (ramblin_rosie)



Series: Semper Fi AU [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Child Death, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Cross-Posted on LiveJournal, Dean Winchester Needs a Hug, Depression, F/M, Grieving Dean Winchester, Heart Attacks, John Winchester School of Parenting, Marine Corps Dean Winchester, Post-Concussion Syndrome, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-29
Updated: 2013-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:27:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27942239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ramblin_rosie/pseuds/San%20Antonio%20Rose
Summary: Dean had been doing so well before his road trip... will Sam be able to figure out what's going wrong and how to help Dean get back on his feet?
Relationships: Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester, Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester
Series: Semper Fi AU [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2043808
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sora’s story is inspired by a true story, though it’s been so long since I read it that I remember few of the details and can’t recall what the outcome was for the little boy (I think it was) in the original. The timeline does not match up with Echo 2/1’s RL actions during 2005, but this is an AU of an AU. Some of the events of Chapter 3 are also inspired by a true story, though with requisite differences in the health and disposition of the character they happen to.
> 
> The sequence of events relating to the VA hospital that I describe in this story may not square with RL veterans’ experiences. It certainly is not the ideal case, judging from what I’ve read on the various VA websites I’ve checked for info. However, this story is fictional, _and_ as BranchSuper noted about “Fides, Spes, Caritas,” Dean wasn’t this bad off by the end of “Semper Fi,” so he wouldn’t seem to need the kind of acute, immediate care that would be necessary with a more severe case of TBI. So what happened? Read on, MacDuff....

Sam really didn’t think anything of it when Dean declared he was going for a drive to clear his head. He’d been acting kind of vague for a couple of days, but he was clear to drive, and given the way they’d grown up, a road trip of whatever length wasn’t an unusual way for them to ditch the cobwebs or the bad feelings or whatever. Neither did Sam worry when it looked like Dean was probably going to be gone for a few days. Dean always texted when he got to where he was stopping for the night, so he was okay, right?

Ha. Right.

The situation changed slightly the morning after Dean decided to stop in Chillicothe, Missouri. Sam got a text that said _with lisa braeden_ and nothing else.

 _Who’s Lisa Braeden?_ Sam texted back

He didn’t get a reply. So Sam searched for the name and came up with a yoga instructor in Cicero, Indiana. He was a little confused as to whether Dean was in Chillicothe still or if he had somehow gone on to Cicero, and he really wasn’t sure why Dean would have sent him that name as if she was someone he expected Sam to know.

Texts stating _still with lisa_ arrived at irregular intervals over the next few days. _Are you in Cicero?_ finally got a reply of _no, motel_ , but that didn’t help. Sam was about to start wondering whether Lisa herself were sending the messages when he got _still here, got a hunt, werewolf. lisa helping. dont come_

 _Don’t come?_ Sam shot back. _Why the hell not?_

_not sure where we are. prob 2 far_

That gave Sam pause. _What do you mean, you don’t know where you are?_

_same place but cant remember name_

_Chillicothe?_

_bless you_

Yeah, that was Dean.

_gtg foods here call tomorrow_

Sam sighed and showed the conversation to Jess.

“Lisa must be someone he trusts,” Jess observed. “He’s stayed with her for several days now, and he’s getting her help with the hunt.”

“But he doesn’t remember where they are. Sounds like his only anchor point is her identity.”

“He clearly doesn’t have amnesia.”

“No, obviously, but....”

“Sam, let’s let him get through the hunt first. He’s lucid enough for the moment. If the memory problems come back, we’ll go get him and make sure he gets treatment.”

Sam sighed again. “Guess the least I can do is see if there really is a werewolf in Chillicothe.”

“Good idea. That way, if he needs research help when he calls, you’ll have something for him.” Jess kissed him and left him to it.

Sure enough, the story that apparently caught Dean’s attention was all over the Chillicothe news. Dean was right; that was a 13-hour drive if one went straight through, so there wasn’t time for Sam to get up there to provide backup. And calling in outsiders would go over even worse than his trying to help, even if the outsider were Bobby or Pastor Jim. So Sam sat back and thought through what sources Dean could potentially access on his own or through Lisa, assuming she posed as a reporter and not as a Fed, then hacked the coroner’s database and located as many records that looked like werewolf attacks as possible.

While he was there, he ran a background check on Lisa. Her record was clean—nothing worse than a traffic ticket—and it appeared she had a son, born in the summer of 2000. Something about the date made him curious, so he did the math and realized that the approximate date of Benjamin Isaac Braeden’s conception coincided pretty neatly with another of Dean’s road trips, one where he claimed he’d visited ten states in ten days but hadn’t shared much information about what he’d been up to while he was away.

As evidence, it was circumstantial at best. But suddenly running into an old flame like that might explain why Dean’s focus was more on her than on where he was. That still left a lot of questions unanswered.

* * *

“Dude, I’m _fine_ ,” Dean snapped when he called the next day and Sam tried to press him about his memory and about Lisa.

Sam huffed. “If you’re fine, tell me where all you’ve stopped on this trip.”

“Dammit, Sam, it doesn’t matter. I’m here now—”

“Where’s ‘here,’ Dean?”

“Same place I’ve been since my last text from the road.”

“Which is?”

“ _Here_.” Dean was really starting to get steamed. “And there’s a werewolf _here_ that’s going to kill again tonight if I can’t stop it, so are you gonna help me with this or not?”

“All right, fine. But you know you’re supposed to seek immediate help if your memory worsens.”

“Not goin’ to the hospital, Sam. Gotta gank this thing fast before someone else dies.”

Sam sighed. Winchester-standard no-hospitals reflex notwithstanding, Dean did have a point, and he sounded lucid enough to handle the hunt. “You sure you don’t want me to call Bobby?”

Dean blistered his ear in Arabic.

“All right, all right, fine. It’s your hunt. You want the coroner’s reports?”

“No, I want a Rita Hayward pinup.”

“What?!” exclaimed an amused female voice in the background. That had to be Lisa.

The interruption succeeded in diffusing the tension and making both brothers laugh. After that, they were able to discuss the case like sane adults.

But Sam was still worried. “You’ll call when it’s over, right?” he prompted toward the end of the conversation.

“Yeah, sure,” Dean replied, and Sam could almost see his _of course, idiot_ face. “Call, text, something. You’ll hear from me.”

Yet the night came and went without another word from Dean. Sam was on the point of calling the office to request a couple of days off to go up to Chillicothe when his phone finally rang.

“Is this Sam?” asked the woman’s voice he’d heard the day before, only this time there was road noise in the background.

“It is,” Sam replied. “Are you Lisa?”

“I am. Listen, I’m sorry Dean didn’t contact you last night like he promised. We’ve been... ah... establishing our alibi, shall we say?”

Sam didn’t want to know. “Really.”

“B-but that’s not the only reason, and it’s not why I’m the one calling. Sam, he’s... he’s gotten worse. And I think he’s running a fever.”

Sam swore quietly.

“I’m taking him back to my place. I live in Cicero, Indiana; it’s about a seven-hour drive.” She gave him her address and phone number, and he wrote them down. He’d seen them before, of course, but he hadn’t wanted hard evidence of his snooping that Dean could find when he got home. “Dean’s asleep right now,” she continued, “and I’m hoping that once his body fights off whatever bug he’s got, his mind will be clearer. But just in case I have to take him to a hospital, could you fill in some blanks for me?”

“Sure. Shoot.”

Her questions were specific enough that Sam could tell Dean had told her quite a lot about what had happened in Iraq. But there were details like specific condition names and medications that Sam was able to give her, and she gave him her email address so he could send precise spellings and dosages and names of doctors and so on.

Once he’d answered all of her questions, he said, “Now, I wonder if you’d fill in a few blanks for me.”

She sighed. “I thought you’d ask. I met Dean at a bar in ’99. We spent a weekend together. Hadn’t expected to see him again. But I had just taken my son to spend a few weeks with my mom, out in Boise City, Oklahoma. Got to Kansas City and heard there was a bad wreck on I-70, so I figured I’d take the scenic route and take 35 up to 36—that’s a pretty straight shot to Cicero. You can imagine how surprised I was to get to Chillicothe, drive past a bar, and see Dean’s car in the parking lot.”

Sam huffed. “What are the odds?”

“I know, right? I wasn’t sure, but I was curious, so I stopped. Needed to find a place for the night anyway, so I thought I’d find out where he was staying if it was him. Walked in and there he was, eating a bacon cheeseburger in a booth near the door. And when he saw me, his... his face lit up like he hadn’t seen a friendly face in days.” She sighed again. “He... he wasn’t drinking. I’ll swear to that. But the more we talked, the more I could tell something was wrong. He couldn’t remember if he had a room anywhere, the name of the bar, even the name of the town. But he remembered me. So when he checked his pockets and didn’t find keys to anything but the car, I... I just....”

“Took charge of him?”

“Yeah. Kind of. And things... progressed from there. He’s had his good moments and his bad moments, tends to repeat himself when we talk for too long. But I really thought he was getting better, even if I didn’t believe him about the werewolf until I actually saw it.”

“Then why’d you help him?”

“Honestly, Sam? I don’t know. I guess... maybe I thought if he saw that the man he was after was just a man, he wouldn’t shoot. Maybe I thought I’d have time to get the gun away from him. I just knew he was serious about needing my help.”

Sam had a sudden sneaking suspicion, though not about Lisa’s motives. She sounded sincere. “So, um, once Dean’s back on his feet, what are your plans?”

He could almost hear her shrug. “Send him back to San Antonio. He lives with you, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, I just....”

“I mean, unless he _wants_ to stay. Then I guess I’d help him get hooked up with the VA hospital in Indy. But all his doctors are down there.”

“That’s true.”

Then she swore under her breath. “I’ve got stairs. That won’t be a problem, will it?”

He blew out a breath. “Hard to say. We’ve got an accessible one-story apartment, so....”

“Great. Well, that settles it. He can’t stay with me... un-... unless I move....” She trailed off as if she was considering it.

This was as good a time as any for Sam to raise his other question. “How would that affect your son?”

Several seconds passed before Lisa replied, “Listen, Sam. Whatever happens between Dean and me is about Dean and me, okay? He doesn’t have to stay unless he wants to. And I’m not even going to ask him anything until he’s lucid.”

 _Yahtzee_. “Okay. Just asking.” He paused. “You know, the same goes for you.”

“Wh—how do you mean?”

“Lots of jobs in San Antonio. Good schools, too.”

“Oh.” The hard edge went out of her voice. “I... I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Good.”

She took a deep breath. “Well. I’ll call you when we get in tonight, let you know how he is.”

“Listen, if you need us, my wife’s a nursing student....”

“Thanks, but I really don’t think there’s much you could do for him right now that I can’t. But I’ll keep you posted.”

“All right. Thanks, Lisa.”

“Take care, Sam.” And she hung up.

Sam took a deep breath, blew it out again... and summoned Cas.

“Hello, Sam,” Cas said when he appeared.

“Cas.” Sam held up his phone. “Just got off the phone with Lisa Braeden.”

Cas only stared at him.

“Dean wanders off in some kind of brain fog and _just happens_ to run into the mother of his son? Who _just happens_ to have enough of an open mind to help him on a hunt when he won’t accept help from anyone else?”

Cas didn’t say anything—rather pointedly, Sam thought.

“Dammit, Cas, why don’t you just _heal him_?”

“What part of ‘remaining incognito’ did you not understand?”

“So you set up this?”

Cas sighed. “Sam, to be perfectly honest, I don’t know if I can repair the damage that is manifesting itself now. There are certain ways in which my healing power is limited. Dean will respond to medical treatment, but he will need Lisa and Ben in his life as well. That does not mean that he will cease to need you. You will always be the most important person in his life. But you have Jess and a future. Dean isn’t jealous, but he craves something of the kind for himself. In your father’s absence and without the hunt, he finds himself adrift, unsure of his own worth. Any woman he meets for the first time will see him only as he is now. Lisa sees the father of her child, as well as a man who needs her help.”

Sam looked at the floor for a moment, trying to let all of that sink in, before he looked up at Cas again. “Will Dean be okay?”

“I don’t know everything. But I believe he will be, though a great deal depends on how you all act as a family. I won’t interfere further; from here on, it’s up to you.”

Sam nodded slowly. “Okay. Thanks, Cas.”

Cas nodded back and disappeared.

* * *

Lisa called twice a day without fail for the next five days. The morning conversations were usually just quick updates, since Dean’s fever leveled out at 103° and there weren’t many changes overnight. If Dean was awake and asking for Sam, Lisa would put him on long enough to say a few groggy words; he sounded like he felt like hell. In the evenings, though, especially if Dean was already asleep, Lisa seemed more inclined to just chat, sometimes with Sam, sometimes with Jess or with both of them on speaker.

Sam didn’t know how he felt about knowing that Cas had set Dean up with Lisa. He really wasn’t sure how Dean would feel and resolved not to tell him. But Lisa sounded like the kind of woman he would want for Dean to be involved with—smart, strong, and caring. He understood why Dean liked her, and he hoped she’d be good for him.

The sixth morning, however, Sam answered the phone to hear a tired but happy “Hey, Sammy.”

Sam blinked. “Dean! Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah. Fever broke a little while ago. Pretty beat, but... doin’ better, yeah. Guess you know I’m in Cicero, at Lisa’s house.”

“Yeah, we’ve talked. How much do you remember?”

Dean sighed. “Well, to be honest, not a whole lot. There was a hunt, right, before I got sick?”

“Right, in Chillicothe.”

“Bless you.”

Sam chuckled.

“Yeah, so I remember that. Lisa helped me with that. Kinda remember bein’ with Lisa before that; she found me on her way back from... droppin’ her kid in Oklahoma with his grandmother?”

“Right.”

“Beyond that, I got nothin’. So Sammy, how long I been gone?”

“Couple of weeks.”

“You doin’ okay, you and Jess?”

“Yeah, we’re fine. Listen, if you need us to come get you....”

“Nah, I’m all right. Think I’ll stay here a couple days, get my feet back under me, make sure I’m good to drive. I don’t... need to be back for a while yet, right? It’s a couple months ’til I check in with the VA hospital?”

“Right. No, you’re fine.”

“Okay, awesome.” Dean paused. “Wish you could meet Lisa, dude. She’s been... hell, I don’t deserve her.”

Sam couldn’t help smiling a little at that. “Sure you do. Sounds like a good woman.”

“She is. She sure is.” After another pause, Dean said, “Well, Sam, I’ll let you go. Tell Jess hello for me.”

“I’ll do that. You get some rest, you hear? And I’ll talk to you later.”

He could almost see Dean’s smile. “Roger wilco.” And Dean hung up.

Beating the fever seemed to resolve Dean’s memory problems. He’d call every day to check in, and Sam would quiz him a little on his health and what he was doing. And the answer was generally the same:

“Really, we’re just... hangin’ out. Not really doin’ much. Watchin’ TV, goin’ for walks, card games, that kind of thing. I sit in on her yoga class once in a while. I try not to go up and down the stairs too much, hurts my leg, but... yeah. That’s about it.”

“So how long do you think you’ll stay?” Sam asked after the third day of this.

Dean sighed heavily. “I dunno. I mean, there’s not much to do, and the house hates me, but... bein’ with Lisa... I... I dunno.”

“You really like her.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, how soon does she have to go get her son?”

“Ah, another week, I think. Something like that. So I guess maybe I’ll stay that long and then... see.”

“Okay. Well, let us know, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll keep in touch, let you know if... yeah.”

That was Wednesday. Friday morning early, Sam got a call from Lisa. “I’ve been thinking,” she said slowly. “About... your offer. And about hospitals and housing and... everything.”

Sam frowned, confused. “And?”

“Dean can’t stay in this house. That’s a given. I mean, the stairs give him trouble, and the bathroom’s not great. And he’ll get better care for everything in San Antonio. I mean, the Polytrauma Rehab Center at Audie Murphy sounds excellent, and the VA hospital in Indianapolis doesn’t have the same facilities.”

“Okay.”

“And San Antonio’s a lot closer to Boise City than Cicero is.” She paused. “And while I’m not quite clear on all the HIPAA hoo-hah, I’ve got a feeling I’d have an easier time providing support when it’s needed as Dean’s wife than as his girlfriend.”

Sam didn’t say anything for a moment.

“I mean, it’ll be up to Dean, but....”

“Lisa, are you sure about this?”

She took a deep breath. “All I know is, if I let him go now, I will regret it forever.”

“Kind of a whirlwind romance.”

“Sam, there’s nothing romantic about it. I just... I know what he was like when he was 20, or... the side I saw that weekend, anyway. Kind of wild, lot of fun. I think that’s still there. But I know what I’ve seen these last weeks, too—he can be gentle, sweet, but he’s strong. Smart. Brave. And yeah, he’s injured, but the minute he knew someone else was in danger, he pulled himself together and took care of it. That’s the kind of man I want my son to be. And they’re rare.” She paused. “He trusts me. And I care about him.”

“He thinks he doesn’t deserve you.”

She huffed in amusement. “My mom will probably think he’s not good enough for me. But so far the only guy who was is so boring, he wouldn’t even take Ben fishing. Totally not my style.”

He chuckled, then sobered. “Truly, Lisa—I mean, we all think you’re awesome, but....”

“It’s Dean’s decision, Sam. If he says no, fine. If he wants to wait, fine. I just know I have to ask.”

“Okay. Let us know how it goes, okay?”

“Sure. We’ll probably just go to the JP, not make a big deal of it.”

“Hey, that’s what we did. ’Course, we’d been together for a year and a half, so....”

“Ah, what can I say? I’m a risk-taker.”

He chuckled. “Call if you need anything, seriously.”

“We will, Sam. Thanks.”

Sam didn’t realize he was still staring at his phone in shock after hanging up until Jess brought him his coffee. “Something wrong?” she asked.

He shook himself. “No, no. It’s just... Lisa. Called to tell me she’s planning to propose.”

She blinked. “That’s a little sudden, isn’t it?”

“She said she’s sure.”

“Wow. Do you think Dean will go for it?”

“Hell, I dunno. Not that I question his judgment, ’cause he’s been fine the last few days, but... I can’t tell if he’d run from getting that serious or say yes ’cause she’s the first one to ask.”

“Guess he knows her better than we do.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Really, Sam’s main concern was that both Dean and Lisa knew what they were getting into. He knew what Cas had said, and he wanted to take Cas at his word about his not interfering further, but... they hadn’t been together a whole month, and now she wanted to get married?

But worrying wasn’t going to do any good. Dean and Lisa were adults; they could make their own choices. So Sam went to work, took Jess out for dinner and a movie, and tried not to wonder too much over whether to try to get Dad to drop by Lisa’s place just to... to check on things.

Dean finally called late Saturday morning. “Hey, Sammy, guess what? Me and Lisa got married yesterday.”

Even knowing this was a possibility, Sam was still shocked. “Seriously?”

“Yup. Guess we’ll be headed back your way in a couple of weeks.”

“Dean... you’ve only been with her... what, three weeks?”

“You never met Cassie, did you?”

Sam blinked, unsure where this was going. “No. Who’s Cassie?”

“Your freshman year at Stanford, Cassie and I... had a thing. Lasted about two weeks. I thought it was good, thought—y’know, this is the one. So I told her about what we do. And she kicked me out.”

Sam just blinked.

“Hunting’s not something I can just turn off, Sam. It’s part of who I am. I can’t spend my life with someone who doesn’t understand that, even if I can’t ever hunt again. Lisa has been with me for three weeks, give or take; she has seen me at my worst; she actually helped me on a hunt; and now she’s crazy enough to want me to stay for the rest of her life. How do I walk away from that?”

“Well, when you put it that way....”

“I mean, seriously. Shrapnel? Doesn’t bother her. She doesn’t even care; she just gets rid of it, like you or Jess. Carmen?” Dean scoffed. “Carmen thought it was a turn-on.”

“So now you’ve got a wife. And a stepson.”

“Yeah.” Dean’s grin was audible. “Can’t wait to meet him.”

“What if he doesn’t like you?”

“Dude, what are you talking about? Kids love me.”

“Name three kids you even know.”

“Hey, I’ll have you know, I was _great_ with the kids in Iraq. Whole crowds of ’em. There was even this one girl in Karabilah that I swear I nearly adopted. Little orphan girl, Sora. _Loved_ that kid.”

“Maybe you still can.”

“Yeah, maybe so, if Lisa’s up for it. I oughta find out how she’s doing, anyway, check up on her.”

Sam grinned. “So you guys are gonna pick up Ben and then come down?”

“Yeah, probably, makes the most sense. We’re still trying to figure out what to do about houses and stuff, but we’ll at least be down there long enough for me to get set up with the VA hospital and all.”

“Sounds great. We’ve missed you.”

“Aw, c’mon, Sammy, don’t turn this into a chick flick moment.”

Sam laughed.

So did Dean. “Catch you later, dude.”

“Later.” Sam hung up, still chuckling.

He and Jess spent lunchtime tossing around ideas for a low-key wedding reception to throw with their friends in the building while Dean and Lisa were there. And when the phone rang again, Sam didn’t think anything of putting it on speaker right away. “Hey,” he answered with a smile.

“What the hell did you say to him?!” Lisa exploded.

Sam looked at Jess, stunned. “Wh-what do you mean?”

“When I left to get lunch, Dean was just about to call you. He was fine. When I came back, he was standing out on the back porch crying, and all he would say is, ‘I should have been there.’ Sam, he’s _gone_ again!”

“What?! He left?!”

“N—I mean, he’s here physically, but he can’t think straight.”

“Lisa, I swear, he was fine when I hung up with him. I think maybe he was gonna check up on a little girl he’d been friends with in Iraq.”

Lisa burst into tears. “I—I’m sorry, Sam, I just—he was doing so well, and now—I was gone for half an _hour!_ And now he’s _gone_ again! What if....” She broke off in a sob.

Jess looked concerned. “Lisa... are you pregnant?”

Lisa hiccupped, sniffled, and confessed quietly, “I might be.”

Sam and Jess looked at each other, wide-eyed.

“I-I don’t... I haven’t tried to find out. That’s... that’s not what this is about, I swear. But we... weren’t always careful.”

“Have you told him?” Sam asked, hoping he didn’t sound accusatory.

“No.” Lisa sniffled again. “Like I said, I haven’t tried to find out for sure. I might just be late. And... I’ve been... Dean’s....” She started crying again. “We’ve been so busy, just... just being together, I....”

“Lis?” Dean’s voice interrupted in the background. He sounded out of it but worried. “What’s wrong?”

Lisa moved the phone away from her mouth. “It’s—it’s nothing. I’m okay.”

“Did I say something?”

“No.”

“You’re not leaving.”

“ _No_. Oh, baby, no, never.”

“Not gonna leave you, either, sweetheart.” Then, judging from the smunching sound that came across the speaker, Dean gathered Lisa into a warm hug and let her cry into his shoulder for a moment.

Sam frowned, trying to figure out what might have prompted Dean to think _wife crying into phone = imminent marital breakup_ when they’d only been married a day. So far his brain fog had only made him lost. Where the hell was this coming from?

“’M sorry,” Dean said as he apparently released Lisa. “You’re on the phone, sorry.”

“No, honey, it’s okay.” Lisa moved the phone back toward her mouth. “Sam, can I call you later?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

“’S’at Sammy?” Dean asked.

“Yeah,” Lisa replied and moved the phone away again. “Here, wanna talk to him?”

“Sammy?” Dean’s voice was clearer with Lisa holding the phone up to his ear, but he still sounded concussed.

“Hey, Dean,” Sam said. “What’s wrong?”

“I... Iunno. Can’t think right.”

“Did you fall?”

“No. Nuh-uh.”

“Did you call someone?”

“Wha?”

“About Sora.”

“Sora... s-sh-shoulda been there... shoulda saved her....” Dean’s voice started trailing off even worse.

Sam had to think fast. “Dean. _Dean. Hey._ ”

“Wha?”

“Look after Lisa. Can you do that for me?”

He could almost hear Dean trying to pull himself together. “Yeah. Yeah.”

“Good. Okay. We’re gonna get you in to see someone at the VA hospital as soon as we can. Just hold tight, you hear me?”

“Hear you, Sammy.”

“Okay. We’ll see you soon.”

“’Kay. Bye.”

As the call ended, Jess slumped forward with her head in her hands, and Sam ran a hand over his mouth and shook his head. How the hell had Dean gone from being so clear-minded and happy to sad and brain-fogged so _fast_?

Moments later Sam’s phone rang again, but this time the caller was Dean’s former commander. “Listen, is your brother all right? I just talked to him a little while ago, and he’s got me pretty worried.”

Sam sighed. “Well, he’s not suicidal, if that’s what you mean. What had he called about?”

“He’d befriended a little Iraqi girl in Karabilah. He was calling to check up on her. I had to be the one to tell him she’s dead.”

“Dead?”

“Yeah. She was killed by a landmine, about six weeks after he was injured.”

Sam cursed quietly. “Well, like I said, he’s not suicidal, but he’s sure as hell beating himself up over it. And on top of the cognitive problems he’s having....”

“Cognitive? From the TBI?”

“We don’t know. I need to see if I can get his appointments at the VA hospital moved up.”

“Sam, if you or Dean need anything, and I mean anything at all, you call me, you hear? Especially if you need windows rattled, ’cause I’m good at that.”

“Yes, sir. I’ll let you know. Um, one thing—could you tell me the full story of what happened to Sora?”

“I can email it to you.”

“Thanks, I’d appreciate that.”


	2. Chapter 2

Dean hadn’t improved by Sunday morning, so Lisa was set to load him in the car, call someone to house-sit, and just get down to San Antonio. Sam convinced her to wait until they knew for sure Dean could be seen right away; he argued, and she agreed, that it likely wouldn’t help matters any for them to rush down and then have to wait around for an appointment. Instead, while she started to work on winding up her affairs in Cicero and looking for work and a house in San Antonio, she had Dean start packing up Ben’s room. And she checked on him every half hour or so. Sometimes she’d catch him playing with Ben’s toys but wouldn’t fuss at him. Sometimes he’d be packing methodically, almost robotically. Sometimes she’d happen by just as he tried to do something with his missing left hand, and more often than not, he would slip and hit his stump.

Nothing got injured but his pride, and none of Ben’s things got broken. But once in a while she would find him about to cry from the frustration. Then she’d hold him and let him cry, or not, until the moment passed and he seemed better enough that she could let him go back to work.

Jess spent Monday wrestling with the VA hospital and finally got Dean an appointment with the Polytrauma Center the following Monday. The drive to San Antonio would take two days, and Sam and Lisa agreed that they’d need Sunday to let Dean rest and recover, so Lisa planned to leave first thing Friday morning while Sam and Jess went up to Boise City to pick up Ben. Lisa had been reluctantly prepared to ask her mom to keep Ben a while longer, but Sam rejected the idea as soon as she’d said it.

“No, trust me,” he said. “Dean wouldn’t want you to do that. Besides, Ben’s what, six? He’ll get over a sudden move faster than he’ll get over being stranded at Grandma’s.”

Lisa frowned. “How would you know?”

“’Cause we got both. A _lot_. Well, I mean, not grandparents, but there was the summer Dad left us at Bobby’s for what should have been two weeks and turned into two months, and... as much as we love Bobby, I was _so_ bored by the end. Got tired of moving around, but if it had been a one-time thing? Would much rather have moved.” He paused. “At least we would have known where Dad was.”

So Lisa called her mom and filled her in, then asked to talk to Ben. She’d checked in with him weekly but hadn’t told him more about Dean than that she’d been spending time with an old friend. So she weighed her words as Ben gave her all of his news.

“You’re coming this weekend, right?” Ben concluded.

Lisa sighed. “No. I’m afraid there’s been a change in plans.”

“You’ve got a boyfriend.” He sounded disappointed.

“It’s a little more than that, sweetheart. You know that old friend I mentioned?”

“Yeah.”

“I found your dad. And I married him.”

He gasped. “Really?!”

“Yup. His name is Dean. He’s a really good guy. I think you’ll like him.”

“Awesome!”

“The only problem, Ben, is that he’s really sick. He needs to live close to a hospital in Texas to get good care. So we’re gonna have to move down there for a while.”

“Oh.” That sounded more stunned.

“I’ll still have the house here until I can sell it, so we can come back for your birthday and you can say goodbye to everybody.”

“Okay.”

“But I won’t be able to come get you on my way down there, so your Uncle Sam and your Aunt Jess are gonna come up on Friday to pick you up. We’ll meet you guys back at their place on Saturday night.”

“Is Dean gonna be okay?”

“I sure hope so, baby.”

“Is it, like, cancer or something?”

“No. He’s a Marine, and he was pretty badly injured in Iraq a few months ago.”

“Oh.” Ben pondered that. “He’s not gonna die, right?”

“No, baby, it’s not that bad. His outsides are all healed up. But he hit his head really hard, and it’s still giving him some trouble. So I’m taking him to the doctor Monday to find out what’s wrong.”

“Okay. He hasn’t got, like, am-am-nee-zha?”

Lisa blinked. “Ben Braeden, have you been watching soap operas?”

He giggled.

“Look, try not to worry about it, okay? He’ll have to go to the doctor a lot, but he’ll get better, sooner or later.”

“Okay. Love you, Mom.”

“Love you, Ben. See you Saturday.”

“Okay. Bye.” And Ben hung up.

Lisa sighed and put down the phone. Then she looked up just in time to see Dean, on his way down the stairs, suddenly stumble on the next to last step, try to catch himself with his left hand, and narrowly miss hitting his head as he slammed into the wall with his left side and landed on his knees on the floor.

“Ow,” he whined as she ran up to him.

“Dean! Dean, are you okay?”

“Hurts.”

“Here, here.” She helped him to his feet and guided him as he limped over to the couch. By the time they got there, she was supporting him more than not; he was clearly having trouble balancing.

“Not s’posed to be a ghost here,” he moaned as she checked him over.

“Where’s here?”

“Your house.”

“Good. No, there’s not a ghost here. You just slipped.”

He grumbled something in Arabic but ended with, “... concussion. Can’t walk straight, can’t think straight.”

“Looks like you twisted your ankle pretty good, but everything else is okay. Gonna have some nasty bruises, though. I’ll get you some aspirin.”

“Thanks, Lis. Sorry ’bout all this.”

“Hey, it’s okay. You just rest.”

But the aspirin didn’t do enough to help, and Dean nearly fell again as she helped him up to bed. By morning, he was in serious pain. Lisa called Jess, who told her where to find the emergency stash of fentanyl patches in Dean’s car and how to administer them but warned her that stoned Dean wouldn’t be much better than he’d been the rest of the weekend. And Sam promised to send help.

Said help arrived in a convoy Wednesday morning while Dean was still asleep. Friends of the family, they introduced themselves as, and a wild bunch they were. Ellen, Jo, and Ash had come out from Nebraska; Bobby had come down from Sioux Falls; Jim, who wore a clerical collar even with what was clearly a work shirt, was from Minnesota; and Rufus... wouldn’t say.

“You guys are hunters, aren’t you?” Lisa asked quietly once they were all inside.

“Don’t mean we can’t handle this job,” Bobby answered gruffly but kindly. “’Sides, the boys are all but family. By extension, so are you.”

Lisa felt almost dizzy with relief. “Thank you.”

The hunters had the house surveyed in minutes and a plan of attack formulated in minutes more. “We won’t pack everything yet,” Ellen declared. “A staged house will sell better than an empty one, and you’re movin’ in with Sam for the time being, so you won’t need a whole house full of stuff right away. Now, your boy’s gonna want his things, so we’ll get that room packed up and sent down first.”

“I’ve got a small van,” Jim added. “Should hold everything just fine. Sam and I can get their spare room set up for Ben before they leave to go get him.”

“Ben’s room’s mostly packed,” Lisa noted. “That should be easy to wrap up today.”

Ellen nodded. “Then we’ll work out what you can leave, what you should take, what you can store. We’ll leave enough here to stage the place and pack up everything else.”

Lisa didn’t know what to say and was perilously close to tears. Ellen just hugged her.

While the men went off to assess the state of Lisa’s packing supplies and Jo and Ellen started plotting the ideal layout for the living room, Lisa went back upstairs to check on Dean. He started calling for her just about the time she reached the top of the stairs, and she got to the doorway just in time to see him sit partway up and look around groggily.

“Hey,” she said as she walked in.

He looked at her blearily. “Where’s Alec?”

“Who’s Alec?”

“’S m’bear.” Dean tried to push himself up further but didn’t seem to notice much when his stump hit the mattress and his left arm crumpled; he just shifted his weight to his right arm. “Can’ fin’ ’im.”

Lisa sat down next to him. “I don’t think you brought a bear, sweetheart.”

“I di’n’? Bu’... m’arm hurts.” He waved his stump a little and went back to looking around near the bed. “Need Alec. Always have Alec. Alec’s m’friend. Goes unner m’elbow.”

“Dean.”

He looked at her. “Huh?”

“Do you know where you are?”

“... Your house?” He sounded unsure.

“That’s right. You know why?”

“’Cause we’re married.” That was plaintive but sure.

She nodded, relieved that he hadn’t forgotten. “That’s right. But you didn’t bring your bear. He’s still at Sam’s house.”

“Home?”

“Mm-hm. Alec’s at home.”

“Bu’... bu’ I need ’im.”

“I’ll get you a pillow, okay?”

He sighed, miserable but resigned, and looked barely older than Ben. “’Kay.”

“C’mon, lie down.”

He lay down, and she went to the hall closet to get a spare pillow. As she returned, Rufus and Ash came up the stairs and went into Ben’s room, talking quietly.

Dean blinked and tried to see what he could without getting up. “You get movers?”

“You could say that,” she replied with a wry smile and tucked the pillow under his arm.

He frowned at it. “Where’s Alec?”

“Alec’s at home with Sam.”

“Sammy?”

“Mm-hm.”

“Sammy’s at home?”

“Yep.”

“When we gonn’ go home?”

She tried not to cry. “Soon. Day after tomorrow.”

“’Kay. Wann’... go home.” He blinked slowly and was out.

She was still trying to fight off tears when a hand landed gently on her back and started rubbing lightly. She looked up to see Bobby standing over her.

“Sam said it was bad,” Bobby confessed. “But I ain’t seen him this bad since he was still in the hospital.”

Lisa lost it.

“Ohhh.” Bobby pulled her to her feet and into a hug. “He’s just goin’ through a rough patch, is all. Don’t give up hope. Those folks at Audie Murphy, they’re the best in the business. They’ll get him fixed up.”

“Bobby, I’m _scared_.”

“I know.” He hugged her closer. “Lord knows, I’m scared for him, too. But you’re doin’ right by him. So will we. And we’re here for you, too, like I said.”

She just held onto him and cried.

“Hey,” Ash whispered from the doorway. “Y’all okay?”

Bobby sighed. “Got a new job for you, Ash.”

“What’s that?”

“Find John.”

“’M on it.”

* * *

Sam and Jess had to scramble a bit to get the room they’d been using as an office cleared out before Pastor Jim arrived Thursday evening. They got Ben’s furniture set up in there Thursday night, but there wasn’t time to get the toys and such unpacked, so since Pastor Jim already had a spare key, Sam and Jess just left him to it and headed on up to the Oklahoma Panhandle as early Friday morning as they could manage. It was a long, hot, dry drive, alleviated mainly by exchanging stories of road trips of yesteryear and what trivia they each knew about some of the places they were driving through. But Jess confessed as they drove through Masterson that she’d never heard “I’m a Ding Dong Daddy from Dumas,” so by the time they got to Dumas, Sam managed to remember all the words and stayed mostly on key as he sang it for her. He wasn’t sure if she laughed more at the song or at his voice.

Mrs. Braeden was coolly polite, and while the fact that Sam and Jess were married, educated, and gainfully employed made a good impression, she still seemed glad they were leaving as early as possible Saturday morning. Ben... well, Sam didn’t remember much of what Dean was like at Ben’s age, having been only two at the time himself, but he couldn’t imagine there being much difference. Ben looked a little more like a young Fred Savage, but that was about it. Once Sam broke the ice with him, it stayed broken. Ben chattered almost non-stop all the way back to San Antonio, about sports, about music, about cars, about life in Cicero, about the time Lisa took him to the Indy 500, about going to three different VBS programs in Boise City and having a blast even though he wasn’t sure he believed “all that Bible stuff.” And when he wasn’t giving information, he was demanding it, especially about Dean.

It was something of a relief to get home, give Ben the five-cent tour of the apartment, and put him to bed. Sam hadn’t been jabbered at so much since the time a possessed Brady got hopped up on meth and wouldn’t. shut. up. Exhausted, he sank into a chair at the dining table and rested his aching forehead on his hands. Jess kissed his temple and set a mug of coffee in front of him.

“What, no beer?”

She chuckled. “Not for you, mister. Lisa’s still about an hour out, and I don’t want you drunk when Dean gets here.”

“I do not get drunk off one beer.”

Her eyes narrowed, and he rolled his and drank the coffee.

Jess was probably right, though, he reflected as the caffeine did its work. If Lisa was having to manhandle Dean in and out of the car every time they stopped, she’d probably be dead on her feet by the time she got in. And as tired as Sam had been, a beer might well have put him straight to sleep.

Ben was quiet, though Sam had his doubts about whether the boy was actually asleep, by the time Lisa called from the gate. Sam gave her the gate code and directions to get through the parking lot, then met her outside with Dean’s wheelchair. She did look pretty done in when she got out of the car.

“Sam?” she asked.

He smiled. “Hey, Lisa.” Then he walked up to her and pulled her into a hug; she looked like she needed one.

She sighed and sagged against him for a moment. “I think next time we’ll just fly.”

“Not if Dean can help it. He hates flying.”

She chuckled and pulled back. “He’s asleep in the front, has been since we got supper in Austin. He hasn’t needed a pain patch today, but....”

“Still pretty out of it?”

“Yeah. Not rambly, just zoned.”

“Okay. Ben’s in bed, but I don’t know if he’s asleep. I can get Dean if you want to go on in.”

She nodded. “Thanks.”

He hugged her again quickly. “Glad you’re here.”

“Me, too.” She smiled up at him and went inside.

Dean roused a little as Sam lifted him out of the car and into the wheelchair, but he didn’t actually wake up until he felt the vibration of the wheelchair crossing the threshold. He straightened and looked around while Sam closed the door, but Sam couldn’t tell how much he was actually registering.

So Sam came around the front of the wheelchair and knelt down to be in Dean’s line of sight. “Hey, Dean.”

“Sammy?” The glazed look in Dean’s eyes was somewhere between sleepy and stoned. He tried to reach for Sam with his missing left hand first but failed to make contact.

“Yeah. Hi.”

Dean succeeded in patting Sam’s cheek with his right hand and gave him a loopy smile. “Hi. ’M I home?”

“Yeah. You’re home.”

“’S Lis here?”

“Yeah, she’s talking to Ben right now, but she’ll be back in a minute.”

“Y’meet her?”

“I did. She’s pretty.”

“W’re married.”

“I know, dude. That’s awesome.”

Dean nodded, and his eyelids started to droop shut.

“Here. I’ll get you to bed.”

“’Kay.”

Dean nodded off again briefly as Sam pushed him into his bedroom, but he woke up when Sam started getting him changed for bed. That much he insisted on doing for himself. But he didn’t object when Sam started to help him into bed, though he did surprise Sam by heading around to the opposite side of the bed from where he’d normally slept before.

“Dean? Don’t you....”

Dean shook his head. “Lisa sleeps there.”

Sam shrugged and helped Dean get settled. As he did so, it finally occurred to him how odd it had been for the Moores to pick out a double bed for Dean’s room. At the time, he had assumed they couldn’t find a twin in the adjustable style, but now... now he wondered if Cas, or someone else, hadn’t been planning this move even then.

Dean smiled sleepily as Sam tucked Alec under Dean’s left elbow. “Missed you, Sasquatch.”

Sam smiled back. “Missed you, too, Dean. Get some sleep, okay?”

Dean nodded and drifted off.

Sam sighed and turned the lights out on his way out of the room. He returned to the living room to find Jess giving Lisa a supportive hug. Giving Jess’s shoulder a squeeze as he passed, he went back outside to unload and lock up the Impala. The duffle he pulled out of the back seat was one Dean probably had left in the trunk by accident when he left the car with Bobby before enlisting, or else Cas had put it there for him. Sam was quite sure Dean hadn’t left with a bag, and he now knew Dean wouldn’t have been with it enough to buy himself new clothes when he realized how far from home he was. Lisa’s suitcase was in the trunk, which gave Sam the chance to double-check the arsenal and make sure everything there was secure before he went inside.

Jess was giving Lisa the grand tour of the kitchen when Sam came in again. He took the luggage straight into Dean’s room, made sure to set Lisa’s suitcase where it would be visible from the door, and moved the wheelchair out of the traffic path so she wouldn’t stumble over it when she came in. Then he checked on Dean again and came back out to find Jess on the couch nursing a soda.

“Hey,” he said quietly as he sat down next to her. “Where’s Lisa?”

“Bathroom.” Jess leaned against him. “How’s Dean?”

He sighed and put an arm around her shoulders. “Concussed.”

She nodded and sighed herself.

“But he’s asleep now. Guess we’ll see how things stand in the morning.”

She nodded again.

“Just soda?”

“For now, yeah.”

He kissed her cheek, and she leaned into him a little more but didn’t really relax. And there they sat for several minutes until they heard the door to Dean’s bathroom open, followed by the sound of Lisa sniffling.

Both Sam and Jess sat up as Lisa walked into the room slowly, clearly fighting tears. Then Jess set her soda down, stood up, and intercepted Lisa with a hug.

“And?” she prompted quietly.

Lisa nodded and started crying.

“Hey.” Jess rubbed Lisa’s back gently. “It’s okay. We’re here for you. You’re not alone this time.”

And suddenly Sam realized just _why_ Lisa had been in the bathroom so long. When Jess would have stashed a pregnancy test in there, he didn’t know, but she clearly had, and Lisa had clearly just used it.

“How far along are you?” he asked.

Lisa sniffled and shook her head as she pulled back from Jess. “It’s not that specific, just a yes or no. G-guess I’ll have to find a doctor down here myself.”

“I’ll set you up at the clinic where I work,” Jess offered. “Dean’s disability rating may be high enough for you to get benefits through the VA, but until we find out for sure....”

Lisa chuckled. “Not sure I’d be comfortable seeing an Army doctor anyway.”

Sam stood and walked over to them. “Y’know, Jess is right. As usual.”

“Of course,” Jess teased, and Lisa chuckled again.

Sam smiled at her but continued addressing Lisa. “As crazy as all this is... I mean, marriage, baby, move, Dean... it’s a lot, I know. But we’re here for you. You’re family now.”

Lisa hugged him. “Thanks, Sam.”

* * *

How Sam managed to sleep that night, he wasn’t sure. It was probably sheer exhaustion. Even so, he and Jess were up fairly early the next morning and got to work preparing breakfast for five instead of just two.

“Didn’t even think to ask what Ben and Lisa like,” he sighed as he examined the contents of the fridge.

“Ben is Dean’s son,” she replied flatly. “What do you think they like?”

After a pause, he pulled out the bacon and eggs.

Breakfast was just about ready when Sam heard quiet voices in Dean’s room. He finished preparing Dean’s plate and stepped out of the kitchen just as Dean came out of his room, limping a bit and looking sleep-rumpled and somewhat disoriented but much clearer-eyed than he’d been the night before.

Sam didn’t have to say anything before Dean spotted him and lit up like a Christmas tree. “Sammy?!”

Sam smiled. “Morning.”

And suddenly he had his arms full of big brother, who grabbed a handful of the back of Sam’s shirt and held on for dear life. “I’m home,” he said into Sam’s shoulder after a moment. “I’m _home_. Thank _God_. I thought I was losin’ my mind.”

“Wasn’t sure you ever had it,” Sam jibed while trying not to squeeze tight enough to actually crack a rib.

“Ha. Funny, Sam.”

Once they’d thumped each other’s backs and let go, Dean moved on to Jess, who’d come up behind Sam, and gave her the same kind of desperate hug. “Jess, it’s so good to see you.”

“Ohhh, missed you, too, Dean. You really had us worried.”

He released her. “Hell, _you_ were worried? I think I remember five days out of the last _month_. How long I been back?”

“You got in last night.”

He nodded. “Okay. Okay, good. What day is it?”

“Sunday,” Sam informed him. “And we got you in with the VA hospital first thing tomorrow.”

Dean visibly relaxed. “Good. You guys got any guess as to what’s goin’ on?”

Jess shook her head. “It’s got something to do with the TBI, I’m sure, but what’s causing these symptoms and why now....”

“Some kind of short in the wiring, huh?”

“Well, you were pretty sick for a while,” Lisa added, coming up to them. “The fever wasn’t high enough to make you hallucinate, but I’m sure it didn’t help.”

“No. No, it wouldn’t have.” Dean looked her over and fiddled briefly with the wedding ring on his right ring finger.

Before Lisa could say anything else, Ben’s door opened. She hurried past the other adults to intercept him, but Sam watched Dean watch her, his eyes wide as he took in mother and son. And the whirring of Dean’s mental wheels as he made connections was almost audible.

Lisa gave Ben a quick kiss good morning and whispered to him for a moment, then put a hand on his shoulder and guided him toward Dean. “This is Ben,” she said, since Ben was staring up at Dean in open-mouthed awe and wasn’t likely to introduce himself.

Dean nodded twice, pulled himself together, and strode forward, hand extended. “Ben. Corporal Dean Winchester, United States Marine Corps. Glad to know you.”

Ben dutifully shook Dean’s hand. “Hi. What happened to your hand?”

“I got blown up in Iraq. They had to cut it off.”

“Oh.” Ben paused. “The thing that’s always worried me about being one of the few is the way we keep on getting fewer.”

Lisa was taken aback, but Dean’s eyebrows went up before he broke into a grin. “Dude. You’re awesome.”

Ben returned the grin with a giggle.

“Ben, where did you see _The Longest Day_?” Lisa asked.

“At Trevor’s house,” Ben confessed. “His dad gots lotsa war movies.”

“Has,” all of the adults corrected at the same time, and the brothers continued with the same cadence they’d been using since Dean first received the same lesson at about Ben’s age, “Gots is not a word.”

Ben grimaced. “Sorry.”

Lisa looked skeptical. “Oh, you’re sorry for that but not sorry for watching movies with Trevor that you know I don’t want you to watch?”

“But, Mooom....”

“Hey,” Dean interrupted, crouching down to look Ben in the eye. “I know all the explosions and such look cool on the screen. But I’ve lived it, and I know why your mom doesn’t want you watching that stuff yet. War is hell. You’re a kid. You don’t need to be thinkin’ about those things right now.”

Ben nodded reluctantly. “Yes, sir.”

Dean put his hand on Ben’s other shoulder. “Your mom tell you we got married?”

Ben nodded.

“I’m afraid I can’t remember what all she said about you, but you look like a pretty good kid to me. Think we’re gonna have a good time.”

Ben looked skeptical. “Can we go fishing?”

“Sure. Not today, but maybe when I’m good to drive, we could go up to Canyon Lake, go camping.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Maybe go to a few ballgames now and then.”

“There’s a baseball team here?”

“Yeah, minor league, think they’re a Double-A Padres affiliate. ’Course, there’s the Spurs, too, for basketball.”

“And soccer?”

Dean shook his head with a smile. “Have to ask your Uncle Sammy about that one, dude. Soccer’s his game. You like cars?”

Ben nodded.

“Well, when you’re old enough, I’ll teach you how to take care of mine.”

Ben looked at Dean steadily for a moment, then hugged him. Dean chuckled and hugged him back. Lisa, resting her left hand on her stomach, moved toward Dean’s left side as he let Ben go and stood, so he hooked his left arm around her shoulders, noticed where her hand was, and twined his fingers with hers with a gentle smile. She blushed, and he kissed her temple.

“Are you gonna be okay, Dean?” Ben asked.

Dean smiled down at him. “I’m home with my family, son. I couldn’t be better.”

Jess and Sam leaned into each other much as Dean and Lisa were doing, unable to keep from smiling. Dean had a point.

Then Ben ended the moment with a decisive, “Good, ’cause I’m hungry.”

Everyone laughed.

Yet the moment wasn’t quite over. After breakfast, when Ben had gone off to play in his room for a while and Sam and Jess were working on cleanup in the kitchen, Sam glanced up to see Lisa looking out the living room windows with her hand on her stomach again and Dean coming up beside her.

“Hey,” Dean said quietly, covering her hand with his.

“Hey,” she returned.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to think I was blackmailing you.”

“Aw, Lis.” He pulled her into a hug.

Jess nudged Sam and hissed, “Don’t stare.”

So Sam got back to work, but for the first time since the whole mess started, he thought Cas might have a point after all.

* * *

The Audie Murphy VA Hospital was just a few blocks from where Jess worked, and she had gotten permission for Ben to tag along with her for the day. Given the number of appointments and meetings Dean had scheduled for the day and Sam’s uncertainty about exactly how their schedule would match up with Dean’s, however, they decided to take separate vehicles and try to meet up for lunch. Ben rode in the Impala with Dean and Lisa on the way to the clinic, and since they were all in the back seat and Sam was driving, there was a lot of good-natured teasing about Sam being the family chauffeur.

Then Dean, Sam, and Lisa went on to the hospital, where _Dean_ insisted that both his brother and his wife be allowed to accompany him for the initial assessment and the care team meeting, at minimum. Sam and Lisa had to wait while Dean got whisked off for a CAT scan and whatnot, but they were allowed to go with him into the examining room, where the wisdom of Dean’s insistence was proven by the number of times he answered a question with “I don’t know” or “I don’t remember” and Sam or Lisa had to fill in blanks about what had happened over the last month, skipping over the details about the hunt and characterizing it only as an urgent research question for their family business. The doctor pried a little, but she seemed to accept the explanation Sam came up with on the fly.

Finally, Dr. Gutierrez asked, “Now, other than this spill at Lisa’s house, has Dean hit his head recently?”

Lisa shook her head. “Not while he’s been with me.”

Sam frowned. “Wait a minute. He fell out of bed on Memorial Day—but I didn’t think he’d hit his head. Did you?” he asked Dean.

Wide-eyed, Dean shook his head. “Dude, I do not remember that at all.”

Dr. Gutierrez nodded. “Well, the CAT scan shows some fairly recent bruising—not much, but enough that it could potentially trigger that kind of confusion. Memorial Day would just about fit.”

“But what about the second round? The one after I got sick?”

“Yeah,” Sam chimed in. “I asked Dean specifically if he’d fallen, and he said no.”

“That’s true,” Lisa agreed. “And he didn’t look like he’d fallen when I found him.”

Dr. Gutierrez shrugged. “Well, they call it polytrauma for a reason. And with a brain injury, we might not be looking only at obvious physical causes. Do you know anything about what happened between the time you last spoke to him and the time Lisa found him?”

Sam looked at Dean and swallowed hard, wondering how much to say.

“Sam,” Dean said, shaking his head. “I don’t remember. If you know somethin’, say it, no matter what it was.”

Sam ran a hand over his mouth and turned back to Dr. Gutierrez. “Dean had... just gotten some bad news. He’d been close to a little girl over there, and she was killed by a landmine after he was injured.”

Dean’s hand gripped the bed so hard, his knuckles turned white, and his voice shook when he spoke. “Sora? S-Sora’s dead?”

Sam turned back to him and nodded. “I’m so sorry, Dean.”

Dean exploded with what Sam assumed was the harshest Kurdish expletive he knew. “I shoulda been there. I shoulda saved her.” Tears welled up in his eyes, and Sam could tell he was on the brink of another relapse.

Sam shot out of his chair and grabbed Dean by the shoulders. “Dean. Listen to me. You wouldn’t have been there anyway. She was with Fox Company; Echo Company was across town.”

“She shouldn’t have been there at all, Sammy! I shoulda done _something!_ ” A tear fell, and Dean’s eyes were beginning to go glassy.

Sam shook him a little. “ _Dean_. Remember what Cas said.”

“What?”

“What Cas told us, at Christmas, about what might have been. About why he’s here.” Sam suddenly sensed another presence in the room, possibly Cas but probably not, and he prayed that if it was friendly, it would help Dean remember so Sam wouldn’t have to repeat the conversation about alternate timelines and the Apocalypse in front of a doctor who really didn’t need to think they were a family of religious nuts.

Dean drew in a ragged breath as Lisa came up beside him, on his left, and started rubbing his back, and another tear escaped. “Y-you’re sayin’....”

“There was nothing. you. could have done.”

Dean stared at him for a moment, still wavering, still fighting the tears and losing, then turned his head a little toward Lisa. “You s-shouldn’ta married me, Lis.”

“Why not?” Lisa asked, more challenging than curious.

Dean raised his voice as he declared, “Because I fail everyone I love.”

The room was silent for a long moment after that bombshell, and Dean closed his eyes and ran his hand over his nose and mouth like he hadn’t meant to say it out loud. But he didn’t take it back.

Then Lisa moved her hand up to Dean’s shoulder, and Sam took the cue and moved to sit on the bed to Dean’s right while she stepped around in front of him and cupped his face in both hands so he had to look at her. “Hey. You asked me, remember? You asked me if I was sure.”

Dean let out a shaky breath. “Yeah. I remember.”

“You remember what I said?”

“‘F-f-f-for life.’”

“For life,” she repeated. “For better or worse and all that jazz.” Dean tried to pull away and duck his head, but she tightened her grip. “Hey. Look at me. I chose you, remember? I _want_ you.”

“You could do so much better, Lis.”

“I don’t want better. _I want you_. You’re _stuck_ with me, bucko.”

“I’ll let you down.”

“And I’ll let you down. And we’ll get over it, because that’s what married people do.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Well, hell,” Sam chimed in. “I married up. Why shouldn’t you?” And he nudged Dean’s shoulder.

That did it. Dean chuckled, and so did Lisa, who wiped his tears away with her thumbs and kissed him. The presence Sam had been sensing backed away. And even as he smiled, Sam knew they’d averted another crisis.

“You gonna be okay now?” Lisa asked, rubbing a thumb over Dean’s cheek.

He nodded and hugged her. “Yeah. Thanks.”

“Mm-hm,” said Dr. Gutierrez. “That’s what I thought.”

Lisa moved out of the way and stood beside Dean again so they could all see the doctor at the same time.

Dean cleared his throat and pulled himself together. “Uh. What—how do you mean?”

Dr. Gutierrez spread her hands. “Let’s expand the timeline a little here. The Medical Review Board decides Dean should be medically retired. The rehab he’s been getting over at Brooke comes to an end. For whatever reason—bureaucratic snafu, physician assessment, act of God, I don’t know—the transition over here isn’t immediate. The routine he’s had goes away, and there isn’t another to replace it. He’s lost a limb. He’s lost his job. He’s already somewhat adrift. Then he falls. Maybe he hits his head, maybe he’s just jarred, but it’s enough to cloud his mind. And maybe he’s already getting sick.

“So he goes for a drive. Nothing unusual about that. But now he’s out of a familiar environment. He starts to drift; he’s getting lost. It’s a miracle he runs into an old girlfriend who can take care of him.”

 _More so than you know_ , Sam thought but didn’t say.

“Then he gets sick. When he’s better, he’s not at home, but he’s in a familiar place with someone he knows and cares about, and that’s enough. He’s happy. He’s doing better. He gets married. Then bam—he gets the bad news about Sora. He’s grieving; he’s got regrets. And with a brain injury, whatever coping mechanisms he had before to deal with that kind of grief maybe aren’t there. He gets a little lost again. The phantom limb starts acting up. Then he falls. Now we’re getting into a feedback loop. Maybe the grief was causing some physical aches and pains already, and now he’s got a twisted ankle and some new bruises to go along with them, which makes him feel worse emotionally, and that probably sets off his other injuries. He does truly need the pain meds, but that doesn’t help him think any better. And so it goes. Then he’s on the road again, more disorientation. And then he’s home; he’s with his family; he’s happy; and he’s better. Today he gets the reminder about Sora and we almost lose him again. Now, we can talk all we want about the physical injuries, but there’s an elephant in the room that’s the key to this whole mess.” Dr. Gutierrez paused. “Lady and gentlemen, my patient is depressed.”

Sam, Dean, and Lisa looked at each other in bewilderment.

Dr. Gutierrez went on to explain what clinical depression is, how it differs from a simple matter of feeling sad or thinking negative thoughts, and how it can affect cognitive ability and physical comfort even in patients in otherwise perfect health. Then she ran through some of the ways Dean’s injuries could make matters worse, especially the concussion. “We’ll have to tackle this from several angles at once,” she concluded, “and we’ll go through all that at the team meeting this afternoon. But I feel confident that a low-dose antidepressant will help, at least in the short term. Now, when’s the last time Dean had a pain patch?”

Lisa thought back. “Um, Thursday morning. The pain seemed to calm down after that.”

Dr. Gutierrez nodded as she did the math. “All right, I’m going to write a prescription; you can get it filled at the pharmacy here before you leave. But wait until tomorrow to start him on it. I want to make sure all the fentanyl’s out of his system.”

All three Winchesters nodded their understanding.

There was some other discussion about the antidepressant, what to expect at the afternoon meeting, and some of the other treatment avenues like cognitive behavioral therapy and, yes, yoga that they would be trying. But to a large extent, Sam was still trying to get his head around using _Dean_ and _clinical depression_ in the same sentence. He was absurdly grateful to finally have answers, but he had no clue whether they’d have gotten those answers had it not been for that one moment when Dean had blurted out the truth about how he felt. Sam sure hadn’t seen the signs himself, and he didn’t think Jess had, either.

 _Whatever was here_ , he prayed silently, _whatever got that out of him, thank you._

Then, as they thanked Dr. Gutierrez and got ready to leave, Sam stuck his hand in his pocket—and found a lollipop that hadn’t been there when he’d walked in.


	3. Chapter 3

Lunch with Jess and Ben provided a much-needed respite for all of them before the care team meeting. Sam suspected that Dean wouldn’t ordinarily have had so much to do in one day, but between the urgency of the case and the fact that the hospital would be closed the next day for the Fourth of July, everything needed to be set up right away. And to be honest, it did help for them to have a plan that they could start implementing immediately, from suggestions about routines to establish at home to information on support systems that were available to Lisa and Sam (and Jess) as Dean’s caregivers. They got Dean’s appointments scheduled for the next several months and left the meeting with a good sense of where things were likely to go from there. And as the meeting broke up, Lisa spoke privately to the Caregiver Support liaison, who told the boys they’d be right back and took Lisa off in another direction, presumably to get a second pregnancy test done. So Sam took Dean on to the pharmacy to get his prescription filled.

As they waited, Sam said, “Y’know, Dean, there’s something that’s been bothering me. And... I mean, you don’t have to answer if it’s gonna be a problem.”

Dean’s eyebrows shot up. “Well, that sounds ominous.”

“Right after you... faded again, Lisa called and blew up at me, and you heard her crying into the phone. And somehow you seemed to think that meant she was _leaving_ you. What... where did that even come from?”

Dean sighed. “The summer after you were born, Mom and Dad... had some problems.” That was very matter-of-fact, but he didn’t seem inclined to elaborate further.

Sam blinked. “Mom and Dad? Seriously? I thought he idolized her.”

“Yeah. Didn’t become the perfect marriage until after she died. Guess I... had a flashback or something.”

Sam couldn’t figure out how to respond to that.

Dean gestured toward his head with his stump. “Look, Sam, I got scrambled eggs and bacon up here. What do you want me to say?”

Sam sighed. “Well, listen. If... if you ever....”

Dean’s eyebrows shot up. “I’m supposed to take relationship advice from someone who’s been married eight months longer than I have? From my _little brother_?”

Sam started chuckling. “Shut up, jerk.”

Dean chuckled and bumped shoulders with him.

“But seriously. I’m here for you.”

“Thanks, dude. Seriously.”

They sat there in companionable silence until Dean was called to pick up his prescription, and when they sat down again to wait for Lisa, Dean dozed off against Sam’s shoulder. Lisa woke him with confirmation that she was pregnant and an approximate due date in early February, which prompted a fresh round of hugs and congratulations and perked him up enough to get out to the car. But he fell asleep again on the way home, so when they arrived, Sam opened the apartment door, then got out the wheelchair and bundled Dean into it with a little help from Lisa.

No sooner had they gotten him settled than Sam looked up to see Dad jogging across the parking lot toward them.

Lisa saw him, too, and looked at Sam in concern. “Sam?”

“Go,” Sam ordered quietly.

He didn’t have to tell her twice. She raced inside with Dean while Sam ran to intercept Dad.

“Sam,” Dad said as they ran up to each other, looking past him at Dean.

Sam held up his hands. “Dad, it’s okay. He’s just asleep. He’ll be fine.”

“Bobby said it was bad.”

“Well, he’s better. We just got back from the VA hospital. But Dad, I need to talk to you before you see him.”

Dad finally looked at him. “What? What happened? What’s the trouble?”

“It’s complicated. Some of it’s physical—he fell, he had a fever. But the last time was when he found out a little girl he’d hoped to adopt had been killed. He thought he should have been there to save her.”

Dad frowned. “So what? He’ll get over it.”

“Dad, he _can’t_. He’s had a concussion, and he’s still not healed. And part of the problem is that he’s clinically depressed, and he needs our support. Especially yours.”

“... What?”

“He almost relapsed today because he got hung up on the idea that, quote, ‘I fail everyone I love.’ Where do you think he heard that? It sure as hell wasn’t from me.”

Dad stared at the apartment in wide-eyed horror.

“Now, he’ll be happy to see you, I guarantee that. But if you even think about criticizing his choices or telling him to man up and get over it, you will not be welcome in this house.”

Sam thought he heard Jess drive up behind him, but all his focus was on staring Dad down. And Dad seemed willing to be stared down, as he searched Sam’s face for something for a long moment. Finally, he sighed and slumped a little. “All right, Sammy. I’ll do my best.”

Sam nodded and relaxed. “That’s all I ask. C’mon.”

Together, they walked into the apartment just as Dean woke up to find Ben standing at his knee expectantly. Dean broke into a broad smile. “Hey, buddy.”

“We gotcha a Father’s Day present, Dean!” Ben announced excitedly.

Dean’s eyebrows shot up. “You did?”

“Yeah, Aunt Jess has it.”

Jess chuckled and handed a Best Buy bag to Dean. “We got talking about video games this afternoon, and Ben didn’t know how you’d be able to play with him with one hand.”

“Oh, you didn’t,” Lisa laughed as she held the bag while Dean, grinning, pulled out a box that held an old-fashioned joystick.

“Figured he could brace it between his knees.”

Dean laughed. “This is awesome. Thanks, guys.”

“Will it really work?” Ben asked.

Dean shrugged. “We can try it and see. Remind me to tell you about the _Frogger_ tournaments me an’ Sammy used to have on those old Ataris.”

Sam chuckled. “Well, I got you a present, too, Dean.”

“ _Dad!_ ” Dean rocketed out of the wheelchair and gave Dad a hug little less intense than the ones he’d given Sam and Jess the day before.

“Hey, son,” Dad replied, rubbing Dean’s back. “Bobby said he was worried about you.”

Dean scoffed and stepped back. “Hell, I was worried about me. Did he give you the good news, too, _Grandpa_?” He punctuated this last word by jabbing at Dad’s chest lightly with his stump, mirth and mischief sparkling in his eyes.

Dad blinked. “What?”

Dean stepped back a little further and beckoned to Ben and Lisa, who came over to him. He put his left arm around Lisa and his hand on Ben’s shoulder. “My wife Lisa; my son Ben; and Baby #2”—here he rubbed Lisa’s belly, which made her giggle—“should be here in time for Spring Break.”

Though Dean, Lisa, and Ben were all proud smiles and hugs and giggles, Dad was clearly in shock. And Sam got the sense that he was almost— _almost_ —ready to unload on Dean about both the suddenness of the marriage, the implications of Ben’s age, and the fact that Lisa was pregnant again. But then he made a visible effort to reconcile himself to the facts of the matter and bent down to Ben’s level.

“Hey,” he said, his voice sounding a little rough. “Ben, is it?”

Ben nodded.

“Hi, Ben. I’m your Grandpa John.”

Sam heaved a silent sigh of relief, and Dean somehow looked even more delighted than ever.

That evening after supper, however, while Lisa and Jess were busy with Ben in the living room and the men were still sitting at the table, Dean studied his coffee for a moment, then took a deep breath, and Sam could see him mentally bracing himself. He couldn’t quite pick his gaze up past the middle of the table, but he said quietly, “Sam. Tell me about Sora.”

Sam’s heart tried to sink into his stomach. “Dean....”

Dean was nearly trembling from the effort of keeping himself composed. “You said there was nothing I could have done. I’m havin’ trouble believing that. But I know you wouldn’ta said it if you weren’t sure. So I need to know.”

Dad shifted. “Why don’t you tell us what you remember first, son?”

Dean nodded jerkily. “Sora was a little orphan girl in Karabilah. Can’t remember how old, maybe six or seven. Her parents had been killed by Al Qaeda. She was living with her grandparents, but man, she loved Americans, and I was her favorite person. She would jabber at me all day, whether I had a ’terp or not.”

Dad chuckled. “Knew a few of those in ’Nam.”

“I mean, I seriously, seriously thought I was gonna adopt her.”

“Adopt a Muslim?” Dad didn’t sound incredulous, just curious.

Dean shrugged. “Hell, Dad, people are people. She was a good kid.”

Sam sensed it was time to take over. “Capt. Carpenter said she asked about you all the time after you were injured. The guys were trying to figure out a way to get her on base for the Christmas party, so she could talk to you.”

Dean smiled, and that seemed to give him the energy to look Sam in the eye. “So what happened?”

“Fox Company was coming up her road. Guess she ran outside to wave, maybe try to find someone to ask about you, but whatever she was thinking, she saw a landmine in the middle of the road. There was no way for her to warn them, so she ran out in the road and sat down on it. And she wouldn’t move. Somebody from the lead vehicle got out to talk to her, and that’s when he saw the mine. He got the convoy directed around her, and in the process they missed a couple of other traps that nobody’d seen; but when he tried to talk to her to keep her calm, all she would say was to tell you she was sorry and she loved you.”

Dean’s eyes slid shut, and he pinched his lips together to try to fight the tears.

“Finally, the last vehicle got to safety, and they started trying to figure out how to get her off the mine safely. But before they could even attempt anything, she started screaming something like, ‘Get back, get back, for the sake of Christ, get back!’ I dunno how they knew she wasn’t swearing or how she knew it was about to go off, but they backed off. And then she cried, ‘Jesus, save me!’ And... and the mine blew.”

Dad put a hand on Dean’s shoulder and squeezed, his own eyes haunted.

A tear slid down Dean’s cheek. “She didn’t suffer?”

Sam shook his head. “No. She was killed instantly.”

Dean nodded slowly.

Sam reached across the table and took Dean’s hand. “Dean, she saved Fox Company.”

“I’d say that makes her a Winchester,” Dad said quietly.

Dean nodded again.

So did Sam. “Yeah, and apparently Echo Company thought so, too. Her grandparents didn’t want her remains because she’d died an infidel. So they got permission to bury her on base, with the last name Winchester.”

Dean managed to smile briefly at that. Then he took a deep breath, opened eyes that were pained but still clear, and raised his mug. “To Sora. The daughter I never had.”

“To Sora,” Dad and Sam echoed, clinking mugs with Dean, and they all drank.

* * *

Dad stayed for a couple of days, long enough to get to know Ben and Lisa a little and to go with the rest of the family to watch the fireworks at Randolph Air Force Base. Dean was still grieving over Sora, Sam knew, but having Dad there helped, and so did the lowest-possible-dose antidepressant and the fun they all had together. Before Dad left, they had an early birthday party for Ben, after which Lisa took Ben back to Cicero for a weekend, so he could have the party she’d had planned previously while she finished getting the house on the market and shutting down her yoga studio. She still hoped to be able to open her own studio in San Antonio eventually, but for the short term, she’d found a position at a gym that had excellent benefits and generous maternity leave options. And after that, everyone pitched in together to get Dean’s new routine established, which included built-in times for him to hang out with just one family member or another or to go do stuff with just Ben and Lisa as well as outings for the whole family to do together. Sometimes hunting friends would stop by to visit, but they always called ahead—even Cas. The therapy sessions at the VA hospital and the low-key yoga regimen Lisa had him on started to show fruit, too. So they got through the rest of the summer without incident; Dean still had occasional days when his mind was less than perfectly clear, but it was never as bad as things had been in June.

The beginning of the school year brought a new routine of its own. Sam and Jess were enrolled for their final courses at UTSA, and Dean decided he ought to homeschool Ben until he and Lisa decided when they were moving into their own place and where in town that would be. “No sense in him startin’ school in one district, makin’ some friends, and then havin’ to leave again in just a few weeks,” he noted—and Sam silently cheered.

“But what about after that?” Ben asked warily. “I mean, when you’re done at the hospital. We gonna move again soon?”

Dean looked at him for a moment before replying, “Y’know what? No. I’m not gonna do that to you or your mom. I don’t know how long all of this is gonna last, but I think I’ll just say here and now, we’re stayin’ put for a few years.”

Ben did cheer at that and hugged Dean, and Sam grinned.

So August passed into September, and the school-year switch went off without a hitch. The house in Cicero sold, and once Lisa found an elementary school she thought would be good, Dean started looking for a one-story house nearby in their price range. And that same day, one went up for sale—on a cul-de-sac called Grace Point.

“Okay,” said Dean. “ _That_ cannot be a coincidence.”

Sam shrugged. “Maybe it’s a wedding present from Cas.”

Dean laughed until his sides hurt. And then he made an offer on the house.

All things considered, then, life for the Winchester family was as good as it could possibly be... until the last Saturday in September, when there was an unexpected knock at the door shortly after breakfast. Lisa answered, and in walked Dad, beaming and relaxed and very probably slightly drunk.

Dean frowned. “Dad? What are you doin’ here?”

Dad shrugged. “Thought I’d stop in and take my grandson to a baseball game.”

“... Minor League Baseball’s _over_ , Dad.”

“Oh. Oh, okay, well, let’s go to the zoo, then. C’mon, Ben.”

Ben, seeing the expression on Dean’s face that was rapidly turning from confusion to anger, stayed put.

Meanwhile, Dean stood and got between Dad and Ben. “No. Ben is _my_ son. _I_ decide if he’s going to a ballgame. _I_ decide if he goes to the zoo or the park or the Alamo or the Texas Ranger Hall of Fame or the Grand Canyon. You want to go _with_ us when we’re already going somewhere, that’s fine. But you do _not_ get to use _my son_ to make up for all the things you never did with Sam and me.”

Lisa had looked ready to object until that last sentence, which explained... well, everything, in Sam’s view.

Dad, on the other hand, looked baffled. “I... I thought you’d be happy.”

“Do you want to know what would make me happy? Really? Do you?”

Dad nodded.

There was a pause as the anger drained from Dean’s face, and when he spoke again, his voice broke. “Then come home, Dad.”

Dad opened his mouth to reply, but instead, what came out was a grunt of pain, and his right hand flew to his chest.

“Dad?” Sam and Dean chorused, concerned.

Dad let out a couple of harsh pants and collapsed.

“DAD!!”

Jess flew into action, putting Dad flat on his back and checking his vitals. “Heart attack,” she declared and immediately started CPR.

Dean scrambled for the phone and called 911. Lisa took charge of Ben, and Sam, feeling helpless, stood by to spell Jess if she needed it. He didn’t know how long the ambulance took to arrive, but it felt like an eternity. And the second the EMTs left with Dad, both brothers, without even thinking, ran out to the Impala and jumped in, Dean behind the wheel, Sam in shotgun, just like the old days. They slammed their doors at exactly the same moment, and Dean was peeling out of the parking lot before Sam could even stop to process what was happening.

“Dude,” he gasped then. “Are you—”

“Shut up, Sam,” Dean snapped.

Sam shut up and prayed for Cas, anyone, to come save Dad.

By some miracle, they arrived at the ER in one piece, and the admittance desk already had Dad’s wallet and his fake ID _du jour_. Sam had to make up a next-of-kin relationship for them, but when they sat down to fill out the paperwork, Dean snatched it away from him and filled everything out so fast, Sam was amazed it was legible.

Then they were stuck in the waiting room, along with Jess and Lisa and Ben, who had apparently followed in Jess’ car at a more sedate—hell, _sane_ —pace. It took forever and a day for the doctor to finally come out and talk to them.

“Mr. Havasu is going to need open-heart surgery, we think a triple bypass,” the doctor said. “But Mrs. Winchester, right now, it looks like you’ve saved his life. This particular blockage location, the left main branch, is one we call the Widowmaker—most patients don’t live long enough to make it to the ER. He’s still in danger, but he’s stable, so there’s hope.”

“Is he awake?” Dean asked. “Can we see him?”

“He is, and you may, but only for five minutes.”

Dean nodded. “Okay. Thanks, Doc.”

Sam had to keep a hand on Dean’s shoulder to keep him following the doctor to Dad’s bed rather than charging past and knocking down anyone who got in his way. Lisa, Ben, and Jess followed close behind them. But when they arrived, Dad was pale but still breathing.

The brothers waited until the doctor was gone to press themselves against the side of the bed with a chorus of “Dad?!”

Dad’s eyes fluttered open, and he smiled, though it was hard to see it under the oxygen mask.

Dean grabbed Dad’s hand. “Dad, you... you gonna be okay?”

Dad squeezed Dean’s hand and nodded. And Sam thought he’d fall back asleep and that would be the end of the moment.

Then suddenly Dean started shaking, and his breathing turned ragged. Dad frowned.

Sam grabbed Dean’s shoulder. “Dean. _Dean. Hey_.”

But it was too late. Dad’s eyes widened in concern as the color drained from Dean’s face and his eyes glazed over.

Lisa swore quietly and grabbed Dean’s left arm. “That’s what happened in Chillicothe, after the hunt.”

Sam pushed Dean toward her. “Get him home. We’ll stay here.”

She nodded and pulled Dean’s arm across her shoulders, taking his weight. “C’mon, Ben, get doors.”

“’Kay,” Ben replied, looking scared.

“Dad?” Dean asked weakly.

Dad squeezed his hand as hard as he could.

“I’ll run interference,” Jess said and took point.

And then they were off, hustling Dean home, leaving Sam alone with a teary-eyed Dad.

Sam anticipated the question Dad couldn’t ask and sighed. “ _That_ is why I went toe to toe with you in July.”

Dad sagged backward and let the tears fall.

Sam took Dad’s hand in his and put his free hand on Dad’s shoulder. “Dad. You just get well. Let us worry about Dean. Okay?”

Dad nodded, squeezed Sam’s hand, and shook it side to side a little.

Sam understood, and a corner of his mouth turned up. “We love you, too.”

* * *

“Triple bypass,” Dean repeated when Sam called to bring him up to speed later that afternoon, after a nap and an emergency dose of Xanax succeeded in pulling him out of the adrenaline crash-caused blankout. “A tri— _Dad?!_ ”

“Too many years of cheap booze and road food,” Sam replied. “From what the cardiac specialist said, his heart was basically a time bomb. We’re just lucky it happened here.”

Dean swore in Arabic. “How long’s he gonna be in the hospital?”

“At least a week. He came through the surgery just fine, but he still has a long recovery ahead of him. And then the next step’s probably a nursing home for a few weeks, unless you guys can close on your house, like, tomorrow. We don’t have the space. Jess can’t take the time off, either.”

“Dude, I can—”

“ _No_ , Dean. You’ve already had one breakdown over this, and I’m not ready to let you risk another one. Besides, you can’t take care of all the things he’ll need help with using only one hand.”

“Sam, it’s _Dad_.”

“We can put going to see him on the schedule every day. But you are not going to jeopardize your own health over this, not when you’ve got Ben and Lisa and the new baby depending on you.”

Dean didn’t say anything.

“Dean, we’re looking at months here. It’ll be eight weeks or so before he’s even cleared to drive. And even when he’s released from nursing care, he’ll have cardiac rehab—and we _will_ make him stay for it.”

“Now you’re talking. How long will that last?”

“Probably until Christmas, give or take.”

“Awesome.” Dean paused. “Y’know, I hate to say it—”

Sam huffed. “You don’t have to. I was thinkin’ it, too.”

Dean huffed in turn.

“Listen, you and Lisa figure out where to put seeing Dad on the schedule, okay?”

“Got it. You stayin’ there?”

“For now, yeah. Visiting hours are over at 8, but we’ll probably leave with you when you come by later.”

“Yeah, good idea. We probably pushed his cover a little far as it is. ’Course, how the hell his fake insurance will hold up....”

“Guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” Sam paused. “Or else....”

“Ash,” they chorused.

“I’ll call him. You guys work on getting that house taken care of.”

“Right.”

Dean and Lisa came back to the hospital shortly after 5, by which time Dad was awake and up to talking a little. “You all right, son?” Dad asked as soon as the nurse had left the room.

Dean shrugged. “Better living through chemistry.”

Dad snorted.

“You do anything stupid like try to check out AMA, though, I can’t make any promises.”

“Dean....”

“I mean it, Dad. You’re gonna stay in this hospital, and you’re gonna get well, or the next monster you meet’s gonna have you for lunch.”

Dad huffed.

“You owe Ben a baseball game. And since baseball season’s over, you gotta survive at least until Spring Training.”

That got a smile out of Dad. “I understand. I’m sorry I’ve caused so much trouble. Of course I’ll stay.”

That was a lie, and all three men knew it. Dean’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t you lie to me, Corporal,” he growled as if Dad was his subordinate and stormed out.

Lisa shot Dad an apologetic smile and followed Dean.

Dad frowned, puzzled. “I—I thought—”

“Positive thinking doesn’t mean rivers in Egypt,” Jess replied. “And it doesn’t mean telling people what they want to hear rather than what you really mean.”

“Besides, Dad,” Sam added, “you raised us as professional liars. You can’t con a con man.”

Dad’s face fell.

Sam sighed. “Get some rest. We’ll be back tomorrow.”

Dad nodded. “Night, Sam. Jess.”

“I don’t think he understands how close he came,” Jess said on the way out to the car.

“Oh, he probably understands that,” Sam replied. “But Dean’s stay at BAMC was the longest any of us have been in the hospital in years. Dad was down once with double pneumonia and a cracked rib and checked himself out AMA after two weeks.”

“Two— _why?_ ”

“Insurance fraud,” he whispered in her ear. She huffed, and he straightened. “Besides, I think either he thinks he’s indestructible or he’s been just this side of suicidal since Mom died.”

She shook her head. “Guess you come by it honestly.”

“ _What?_ ”

“What Cas said, about what losing me would do to you. I couldn’t picture you being so mad with grief that you’d fall in line with Azazel’s plans... but that was before I met your dad.”

He sighed. “Jess....”

“You take after him. That’s all I’m saying. I’m not worried about you now.”

“You’re not?”

“Nope. The war’s over. You’ve got Dean back. And I’m still alive.” She smiled at him smugly.

He stopped and looked at her for a moment, then pulled out his phone and dialed. “Hey, Dean? You mind if Jess and I get a hotel room tonight?”

There was a pause, and then Dean laughed heartily. “Go get ’em, Tiger,” he teased and hung up.

* * *

Dad was in Cardiac Care for three days and had to have fluid drained from his heart twice. By the time he was in a regular room, he was as irritable as Sam had ever seen him. Sam and Dean went to see him every day, but the only reason they succeeded in avoiding shouting matches was their fear of sending Dad back into cardiac arrest.

On Wednesday, however, they arrived to find a woman they’d never seen before coming out of Dad’s room. The brothers exchanged a confused look, and then Dean called, “Excuse me, ma’am.”

She stopped and studied them as they walked up to her. “Well,” she said. “You must be the lawyer and the Marine.” She could scarcely have sounded less pleased if she’d said _the rattlesnake and the Gila monster._

Before Sam could object that he was only a paralegal for the moment, Dean crossed his arms, showing his ring and his stump prominently. “And you are?”

“Kate Milligan. I’m from Windom, Minnesota. John is the father of my son.”

The brothers exchanged another look.

“Oh, I’ve heard all about you two. We’re not exactly close, but he stops by now and then and at least _attempts_ to be a father to Adam. And he’s always talking about how proud he is of his other sons.” She paused. “We’ve seen a little more of him over the last few months. He hasn’t told us what changed, but he’s been around once a month or so. But last time, about two weeks ago, he showed up drunk. And I threw him out.”

Sam blinked. “So why are you here?”

“John asked me to come down. He wanted a second opinion. Then he wanted me to tell him that the doctors were lying, that he wouldn’t have to change his diet and stop drinking and stay in one place for two minutes longer than he wants to.”

“And what did you say?”

“I told him the truth. And I told him if he walks out of this hospital AMA, he can forget seeing Adam ever again.”

“You don’t sound like _you_ want to see _him_ ever again,” Dean observed.

Ms. Milligan shrugged. “I don’t suppose I do. Adam’s in high school; he needs a full-time father or none at all. To him, John’s just a man who takes him to baseball games now and then.”

The muscle in Dean’s jaw twitched.

“Thank you for coming, Ms. Milligan,” Sam said.

She nodded once and left.

Dean unfolded his arms and stalked into Dad’s room. He didn’t even give Dad a chance to say hello, and his first words were, “You cheated on Mom?!”

Dad winced. “It was after Mary’s death, son. And you know how it goes.”

Dean ran his hand over his mouth to keep from breaking something.

Sam decided it was his turn to play peacekeeper. “How’d it happen?”

Dad sighed. “January of ’90, there was a ghoul outbreak in Windom. I got sliced up, had to go to the hospital. Kate’s a nurse. She took care of me, and when I was released, she... brought me back to her place for a few days. Then, about the time Sam left for Stanford, she called me, said... said she needed some help with... our son.”

“And you couldn’t have told us?” Dean said tightly.

“I didn’t think you needed to know.”

“Do they know what we do?”

“No. They think I’m a salesman.”

“So you give _him_ all the attention you never gave us, but you leave him vulnerable?”

“Dean, he’s not—”

“What? He’s not your son? He’s not your responsibility? He was a mistake? Dammit, Dad, at least I married the girl!”

Dad’s eyes flashed with anger. “ _That_ was a mistake, Dean! It’s not safe!”

“Well, guess what? The war’s over, and I’m medically retired. From _everything_.”

Dad’s eyes widened, and Sam stared at Dean. This was the first time Dean had expressed an intent to stop hunting for good. “You sure?” Sam asked.

Dean looked at Sam and nodded. “Yeah. I’ll find a job when I can, but this?” He held up his stump. “Even if it doesn’t keep me from ganking the monsters, it’s one hell of a distinguishing feature.”

Sam shrugged with his eyebrows. “Yeah, good point.”

“Besides that, I’ve got kids. I’m not leavin’ ’em.”

Dad shook his head. “Dean, you shouldn’t have married Lisa for the sake of the children.”

“Dad, I didn’t know Ben was my son until after I married her. She didn’t know she was pregnant again until we got down here. It wouldn’t have mattered if I had known, but she wanted the choice to be about her and me. And it was. And you know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna stay home and feed bottles and change diapers and respect the fact that my wife can’t leave the house on a moment’s notice unless somebody’s free to watch the kids. I’m gonna support my wife the way she supports me. And I am _not_ walking out on my family.”

The way Dad paled, he clearly had a better idea of where that mini-rant had come from than Sam did. “Dean, I—”

“Save it, Dad. You just get well, and that’s an order. C’mon, Sam.”

Sam tried to smile at Dad, but it probably looked more like a grimace. Then he followed Dean out into the hall, where Dean paused to run his hand over his mouth again.

“You okay, man?” Sam asked him.

Dean nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m just... remembering why I joined the Marines.”

Sam huffed. “C’mon. Let’s stop by the store and get some pie.”

Dean smiled.

* * *

Cas evidently pulled some strings, because Dean and Lisa closed on their house sooner than expected and took possession a few days after that. The crew of hunters that had helped Lisa pack came down to add accessibility modifications to the master bath and kitchen in addition to moving them in, and they were all pleased with the house and Dean’s progress and Lisa’s baby bump. Jo and Ellen even surprised them by setting up the nursery for them. And not only did they paint, but they also covered the walls with subtle wards and put a devil’s trap above every door and window, plus salt and iron under the threshold of every entrance.

“There,” Rufus said as he placed the final touch. “Only bad thing this won’t keep out is a burglar.”

Everyone laughed.

The hunters all took turns going to the nursing facility to see Dad, too. He was improving steadily and had been released from the hospital after a week, but cardiac rehab was taking enough of his energy every other day that he hadn’t yet been able to attempt an escape. Ellen gave him what for, and Bobby called him an idjit, but neither seemed to diminish his determination to go back to hunting at the first possible moment.

Then Pastor Jim got hold of him. Sam had no idea what Jim said, since he was leaving just as the boys arrived for their daily visit, but he had evidently spent most of the day with Dad. And Dad was sitting in an easy chair and staring out the window when the boys walked into his room.

“Hey, Dad,” Dean said cheerfully. “Just saw Pastor Jim.”

Dad finally looked over at them and smiled a little. “Hi, boys. Yeah, Jim... Jim and I had a long talk today. He gave me a lot to think about. He told me you and Lisa are just about moved in,” he added quickly.

Dean noticed but rolled with it. “Yeah. If you’re up for a drive this weekend, you should come see it. Not a real huge yard, but hey, less to mow.”

Dad chuckled.

“It’s got a nice deck, too, and Lisa got me a grill. I can fix you some heart-healthy burgers or something; I can do that with one hand.”

Dad chuckled again. “I might do that, son, thanks. Now, Sam, do you have plans for Dean’s room?”

Sam took the opening. “Yeah, Dad. Since Dean and Lisa took his bed, we put Lisa’s old bed in there. For you.”

Dad looked away, out the window again. “Your lease is up pretty soon. You... planning to stay there a while?”

“Probably, at least another year. It’s a good location for us.”

“If... if I stay more than... a few weeks... would I need to put my name on your lease?”

Sam and Dean looked at each other, and Sam cleared his throat. “I expect so, but I can check with the manager. Your cover ID should hold, though. Ash got you set up.”

Dad nodded and looked down at the floor. “Jim... set me straight about some things. Things I hadn’t really thought about before.”

“Like?” Dean prompted.

“Like what my death would do to you.” Dad dragged his gaze up to meet Dean’s. “Dean, when you crashed in that hospital, it... it scared me stupid. But I thought it was just a matter of your day bein’ thrown out of whack, and if we all kept everything merry sunshine, you’d be okay. I never thought....”

Dean shook his head. “Dad, I lost a whole week over Sora. I’m doin’ better now, yeah, but losin’ you....” He broke off, still shaking his head.

Dad nodded slowly. “That’s what Jim said. He said the best way for me to take care of you is to take care of myself. ‘There are other hunters, John,’ he said. ‘Leave the rest of the monsters to them.’”

Dean nodded. So did Sam.

Dad got up and put a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “I get it now, son. Truly. And you’re right.” He sighed. “I’ll come home.”

Dean hugged Dad like his life depended on it. And honestly, Sam thought... maybe it did.


End file.
